I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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