So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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