I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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