So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
