Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
