she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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