dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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