if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize