I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
