so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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