Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
