i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
