that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im holly from the hills drunk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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