It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize