forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
