Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
