is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I AM VODKA MAN
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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