His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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