y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
