it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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