yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
