Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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