I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
