I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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