I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
