Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
