you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
