So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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