Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
