i need an iv and a liver transplant
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
