im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
