the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
