omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sober January is a disaster.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
