help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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