That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just want nice things and good sex
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
