is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
