Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
