I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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