i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
