I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
