it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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