I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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