I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
