His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
