I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
