so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
