my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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