porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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