I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
