u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
