I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
soo... how was my night?
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