Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize