I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
