Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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