Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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