so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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