I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize