Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
