Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
