i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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