i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
