that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
