Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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