He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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