I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
