I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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