Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
