Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
