I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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