It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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