hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize