what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
