there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
